I have talked more about the transformative journey the past few posts, which is great, but I’d like to take time to chat about how amazing having loved ones is. I would like to thanks Dayna’s Pet Sitting Incorporated for sponsoring today’s blog.
I was working on my homework tonight and my eldest son messaged me from facebook. He chose an emoticon that said “I miss you” with a fox crying in it. Clearly I stopped working and made time to talk online. I should add I only use my online chat for family and friends. No weird sex stuff on the skype for me. I can’t see the value of naked people far away and I see my husband naked every day I am home so I can live without it for seven weeks. Back to my son, also not a naked. That was a weird thing to say.
My son and I chatted for awhile, then I chatted with the other kids and we all felt better. Hubby and I made fishy kisses over the internet and I juggled my boobs (in my bra) for him, but forgot the kids were in the room so I heard “GROSS”, which made me laugh and miss them all the more.
This is being away for seven weeks. I am not alone, every woman in this group has left loved ones at home. We worry they are doing awful without us, and then we worry, just a little bit, that they are doing too well without us! I don’t worry about my husband finding a new love in seven weeks, but I did give pause when my new Nun friend looked at me disapprovingly after I made a comment about the hot football players on campus and said in her lovely and thick Zambian accent, “that husband of yours must be a saint for staying with you all these years”. People have been saying this for years, but to have a nun call Josh a saint? Maybe I will have to try that naked picture stuff to keep him enticed. (no i won’t)
I love my kids, I love my husband, I don’t think I could love anyone or thing more. Except of course, they are not who I miss the most. I feel awful about this, but I really miss my dogs. Yes, I miss my dogs more than my family, but hear me out. I chat with my family every day. We see each other, I nag from afar, and they hear how much I love them every day. The dogs? Nah, they can’t seem to figure out how to work Skype. I call and call and they stare into space. Something about not being able to figure out two dimensional shapes. I personally think if they missed me enough they’d figure it out.
I miss sleeping with something soft and hairy. I also miss my dogs too! #burnJosh
There is something about the unconditional love of a dog. They just give and give love and all you have to do is walk them, feed them, pick up their poop, forgive their puking after they ate your tampons and pick up more poop. Then they’ll love you forever. I miss sleeping and snuggling with them, but I also note they don’t seem to notice I am gone. Perhaps because they really just go from person to person in the house getting love all day; maybe all I am is a hugging machine to them. Maybe they are just dumb dogs who eat tampons out of the garbage, I don’t know the secret to the mystery but I want to be missed more! My kids, they send me messages, what do my dogs do? They bark at the neighbour while I am talking to Josh. My kids say they love me, what do my dogs do? They bark at the neighbour while I am talking to Josh.
I get annoyed. I get angry. After all these years, do my dogs even care? I get angry, but then I see a picture of them and go “OMG THEY ARE SO CUTE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!”. So there you have it, I miss my dogs. Perhaps I could have chosen a better blog topic, but we did gender analysis all day and if I do one more academic blog post I will lose followers. So puppies everyone, miss and love your puppies. If you are my children reading this please know I am a comedian and do not love the dogs more than you. If you are my dogs reading this please let Josh know that you can now read so we can get you on some talk shows so we can exploit you for major profit.
Also floss.
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