“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” This saying is quite literal.
When someone gives you a gift of a horse, it considered rude to inspect the horse’s teeth. I have never received a horse as a gift, and the one time I tried to ride a horse, I cried to get down! (I was 22) I am pretty sure this famous axiom can relate to all gifts. If someone gives you a gift, just say thank you, and sell it on kijij when they aren’t looking.
Is that the same with complim
ents? Should we just accept them and move on? What if they are compliments from men and you clearly have male attention issues? This is the subject of today’s post: Post weight loss; how to deal with male attention.
I should start by saying that I did receive a bit of male attention when I was 110lbs larger than I am; but I kind of went out seeking it. I have an entire chapter in my book, Jesus Loves a Crazy Horny Feminist dedicated to my self validation from male attention without ever following through thus breaking my marriage vows. It’s a good read! Through years of therapy and self love, I now don’t need that external attention to feel good about myself. I love me, and frankly I already have a husband who treats me like a goddess, so extra attention is kind of being greedy.
I have posted lots about my weight loss, and talk about it on stage. I am proud of my hard work and yes, I like my body, even the saggy parts. My confidence shines through and to some, I guess some men now are like “yeh, i’d tap that”. Awe, well thank YOU sir! My question is “what level of flirting is okay, and how do I deal with these compliments?”. I gained my weight early in life due to an eating disorder and also, I am pretty sure I used my weight to keep male attention away from me. As in, I received WAY too much attention when I was first developing. So I am a bit weirded out by attention, which is ironic because that’s what I always wanted before.
So the first situations are quite easy. A drunk comedian asking “maybe you come back to my place. Why didn’t we ever hook up?”. The answer is “no, I am married and I was too good for you when I was 110 lbs heavier”. The casual flirting from a friend, no problem, already have mutual respect and no lines would ever be crossed. Leering on facebook? Sure, I do it myself! Then last night happened..
An older man, somewhat resembling Colonel Sanders love my comedy set. He wanted to buy me a drink. Wait, this was a total stranger wanting to give me alcohol. Clearly it was a plan to rufie me and violate me right? I said no and ran away. I made a joke on facebook that I asked him to give me cash instead, which would actually be the best tip for a comedian ever! I had this happen once, a dude gave me $20 as he was leaving..okay he was leaving in the middle of my show that I kicked him out of, but I still took the money! I thought about it after, and wondered if maybe I over thought it. He would clearly know I am married, it’s in my act. Maybe he just wanted to buy me a drink because I am a fun comedian and this is how people compliment each other in our society. I mean maybe he did want to tap “this” but, maybe sometimes we should not look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe instead of questioning his motives I should just say thank you, and milk his admiration for all I can get! Wait, I mean say thank you and be gracious.
So maybe I missed an opportunity to get a sugar daddy, which my husband would have frowned on anyway, but in the future I won’t be so suspicious and stop looking for underlying motivations. Maybe not all men are potential rapist waiting to take advantage of a 41 year old woman. Who knew? The kinder gentler Jenn will keep trying this whole “give people the benefit of the doubt”, because hey, a free drink, it doesn’t suck!